Bill Gates Goes to Heaven


Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by Saint Peter.

"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure where to send you. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home, yet you also created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before. In your case I'm going to let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell."

Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"

Saint Peter: "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."

Bill: "Fine, but where should I go first?"

Saint Peter: "I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear water and lots of naked women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased.

"This is great!" he told Saint Peter. "If this is Hell, I really want to see Heaven!"

"Fine," said Saint Peter, and off they went. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision.

"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told Saint Peter.

"Fine," retorted Saint Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.

Two weeks later, Saint Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.

"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

Bill responded, his voice filled with anguish and disappointment: "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the naked women playing in the water?"

"That," Saint Peter replied, "was a demo."


Return to home page...